


Broken

by Jinx (jinx37kat)



Category: Riptide (TV)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-03 18:51:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14575386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jinx37kat/pseuds/Jinx
Summary: Cody came back to the Riptide and made his way down to the stateroom, digging his fingers into his eye sockets.  He had been off kilter ever since he and Nick had had lunch with Pitbull.  He hated, with every fiber of his being, lying to his old commander.  And he knew Nick did as well.  But, the problem was, he hadn’t really been lying.  It was just something that he just hadn’t told anyone, and that included Nick.





	Broken

Cody came back to the _Riptide_ and made his way down to the stateroom, digging his fingers into his eye sockets. He had been off kilter ever since he and Nick had had lunch with Pitbull. He hated, with every fiber of his being, lying to his old commander. And he knew Nick did as well. But, the problem was, he hadn’t really been lying. It was just something that he just hadn’t told anyone, and that included Nick.

_The first year back from ‘Nam had been a complete nightmare. He had gotten out about nine months before Nick’s tour was up, so he had decided to go back to California and had ended up moving in with an old friend, Byron Monk. But the year of living with someone who had had no clue what he’d gone through over there had caught up with him and he found himself in and out of the VA Hospital for PTSD._

_The first few months or so had been so bad, Byron had threatened to kick him out on several occasions due to the screams that would echo through the apartment almost on a nightly basis. Byron told him he was ruining his sex life and making it hard for him with the ladies. Cody relented to the threats and had checked himself into the VA Center. A few months later, he was out and back to living with Byron. Unfortunately, that hadn’t lasted more than another few months when Byron kicked him out for good and Cody was right back in the VA Hospital._

_Once he had been discharged for a second time, he immediately reached out to Nick, who had been running cargo while Cody was in the hospital, and the two got together. A few months later, the two of them had joined the MPs, and the rest was history._

Until now.

Cody sat on his bunk and scrubbed at his temples. He just wished this part of his past had stayed there: in the fucking past.

He lay down on his bunk, curling into a ball, facing the bulkhead and closed his eyes. The memories of that time were making his head pound. He could only hope that sleep would carry the memories away.

* * *

“Hey Murray!” Nick shouted over the din of the party. “You seen Cody?”

Murray was wriggling in his incredibly awkward imitation of a dance between two new Contessa girls and was completely oblivious to Nick’s question.

“Murry!” Nick yelled again, but this time right in Murray’s ear. Murray’s jerking dance movements came to an abrupt halt and he turned towards Nick, blinking wide eyes behind thick glasses before breaking out into a huge grin.

“Nick!” Murray exclaimed. “This is a boss party, isn’t it? Isn’t it a boss party? I can’t believe Mama Jo let the girls come over!” He moved to wrap an arm around the two girls he’d been dancing with. “Nick, I want you to meet Cherri,” he squeezed his right arm around Cherri’s waist, “and Sophie,” he squeezed his left arm around Sophie. “Girls, this is Nick. We live on the _Riptide_ , right over there.” He almost hit Cherri in the back of her head as he brought his arm around to point excitedly at their boat.

Nick smiled absently while trying to rein in Murray’s excitement. “Hi, ladies,” he responded off-handedly before turning back to his friend. “Murray. Murray! Have you seen Cody?”

“What? Who? Cody? Uh,” he looked around the deck. He grinned, already clearly forgetting Nick’s question. “Hey, Nick, would you look at Pitbull?”

Nick turned his head and saw his former commander surrounded by at least five or six bikini-clad women. He snorted to himself and turned back to Murray, only to see him back on the deck, gyrating away with… _what were their names again_? Sherry and Sadie? Whatever. The two new Contessa girls.

Nick shook his head and went in search of his partner.

Ten minutes later and still no luck finding Cody, Nick made his way off the boat and jogged back over to the _Riptide_. He really hoped Cody hadn’t brought one of the girls home. He knew nothing would come  
of it, but it was the principle of the thing.

Snorting to himself, Nick jumped aboard. “Cody! You here, man?”

Nick opened the side door to the salon and went inside. Blinking to acclimate his eyes to the sudden dimness, he scanned the empty room. “Cody?” He glanced down to the galley and saw nothing.

Sighing, he made his way to their stateroom and stopped suddenly when he saw Cody on his bunk. Cody was still curled up on his bed, facing the wall. “Cody?” Nick whispered. Nick frowned when there was no movement from his partner. Stepping softly across the room, Nick sat gingerly on the edge of the bunk and peered over Cody’s shoulder.

Cody was frowning in his sleep; a deep crevice lined the space between his eyes. Nick reached out to lightly smooth it out and Cody slowly blinked his eyes at half-mast.

“N-k?” Cody mumbled.

“Hey, sorry to wake you, babe,” Nick whispered as he leaned down to lightly brush a kiss at the corner of Cody’s left eye.

Cody’s frown deepened and he half turned to his back, blinking blurrily up at his partner. “Nick?” Cody tried again, clearing his throat from its dryness.

Nick frowned as he realized Cody wasn’t feeling well. “Headache?” Nick asked, voice soft. He swept a hand lightly across Cody’s forehead.

“Mmm,” Cody agreed, closing his eyes again.

Nick leaned down and kissed Cody where the pain was plainly etched on his face.

“Need any aspirin?”

“Naw.”

“Okay,” Nick replied, standing up and getting a light blanket from the closet. He moved back and gently placed it over Cody’s body. “Sorry for waking you. Get some rest.”

“Th—ks, N—k,” Cody answered, already slipping back to sleep.

Nick stood next to Cody’s bunk and looked down at Cody in concern. He had been worried about Cody the last few days but there had been no time to figure out what was wrong with his partner in between dodging Quinlan and trying to rescue Pitbull from those scumbags out at the Orange Grove.

Well, now that the case was over, Nick vowed to figure out what was wrong with his partner one way or the other.

 

Of course, that was easier said than done. The next few days turned into a whirl-wind with Pitbull in town. The man was twice he and Cody’s age, but had the energy of an eight-year-old on a sugar high. He even gave Murray a run for his money. If he wasn’t dragging the boys over to crash boat parties, he was dragging them to every bar in King Harbor, drinking them under the table until the wee hours of the morning.

By the fourth day, the boys stood at the top of the companionway waving as Pitbull got into a non-descript military car and was driven away.

Nick and Cody sagged in unison, smiles immediately dropping from their faces.

“I think he killed us,” Cody lamented, shoulders hunched and head hanging towards his chest.

“He certainly tried,” Nick answered, leaning against his partner.

Murray, ever the energetic one of the three, slapped Nick on his back, almost disengaging him from his slouch against Cody. Cody reached out and grabbed Nick by the elbow, pulling him in at the last moment.

“That was so boss!” He looked at the car driving away. “Wasn’t that boss, guys?” He turned back to his partners. “I can’t believe you actually got to serve with him in Vietnam. I bet you guys did some pretty crazy things over there, huh? Wow! THE Pitbull Johnson. The last few days have been so boss!” Murray shook his head and made his way back down towards the boat.

Nick and Cody watched at their animated friend practically bounced down the walkway, mumbling to himself. “Wonder if we’ll get a case today? Though we need to go over our receipts. I guess I could…”

“How does he do it?” Cody asked wearily, looking over at Nick.

Nick stood up straight and put an arm around his partner. “Dunno, man. Maybe he’s got a microchip implanted somewhere.”

Cody chuckled and started for the boat, leaning into Nick. “Wouldn’t surprise me in the least, pal.”

Once they got on the boat, Cody turned to his partners. “I’m gonna sleep for a week.” He waved his hand behind him as he made his way down to the stateroom.

Nick was on his heels. “Yeah, me, too.”

“But guys!” Murray exclaimed, stopping Cody at the foot of the stairs and Nick at the top.

“What, Murray?” Cody tiredly asked.

“I thought we were going to go through our last few cases receipts today,” Murray answered sadly.

Cody’s head dropped against the wall with a loud smack. “Murray,” he whined. “Does it have to be right this second?”

Nick glanced at Cody in concern. He hadn’t realized that Cody was as exhausted as he suddenly appeared. He mentally smacked himself up-side the head. He frowned at his own slip-up on not keeping a closer eye on his partner.

Murray shifted from foot to foot. “Well, no, not really, but…”

Nick shook himself from his self-incrimination and walked over to Murray. Putting a hand on the smaller man’s shoulder, Nick asked softly, “All we’re asking, Murray, is for a few hours. Can you give us that? Huh, buddy?” 

“Well, sure, I guess.”

“We’re not a young as we once were, pal.”

Nick heard Cody snort. “Speak for yourself, old man.”

Nick rolled his eyes in Cody’s direction before turning back to Murray. “What I mean is that we just can’t keep up with you and Pitbull, ya know?”

Murray smiled and patted Nick on the shoulder. “Sure you can! We spent the last four days keeping up with him!”

“And now we’re tired and just want a few hours. That okay with you?”

“Sure, Nick.”

Nick went over to the key rack and pulled the Vet keys off. “Here, pal, why don’t you go to the electronics store and get that doodad you wanted for the Roboz.”

Murray visibly perked up. “That’s a great idea! Thanks, Nick.” He started up the stairs.

“Uh, Murray…?” Nick said, dangling the keys off his index finger.

Murray blushed as he came back for the keys. “Yeah. “ 

“Yeah,” Nick mocked gently, watching Murray dash up the stairs, keys in hand this time.

Exhaustion hitting Nick hard, he turned towards the stairs for the stateroom, not surprised to see that Cody was no longer standing where he’d left him.

 

Nick entered the stateroom to find Cody already under the covers, back pressed against the bulkhead. Nick made quick work of shedding his clothes before crawling in next to his partner. Snuffling and moving just enough to press along Nick’s length, Cody drifted back to sleep once his forehead was leaning against Nick’s shoulder. Tightening his hold on Cody, Nick buried his face in Cody’s hair and followed his partner to sleep.

 

It couldn’t have been more than forty-five minutes later when Nick was jerked awake by Cody’s shouts.

“Get down! Get Down! GET DOWN! Ryder! Get the fuck down!”

Nick sat up, looking around the room for the danger he was sure he and Cody were in. When nothing presented itself, Cody’s repeated, “GET DOWN!!” had Nick turning back around and looking down at his partner. Cody was facing the bulkhead, right hand hitting the wall lightly, belying his frantic cries, “Get down!”

Nick reached over and caught Cody’s hand, stopping it from beating the wall. Unfortunately, he realized his mistake a second too late when Cody whirled around and punched Nick in the jaw, sending him sprawling. 

Nick flew off the bed and landed on his ass on the floor. He was in the process of scrambling back up when he was pressed down by Cody, blue eyes staring unseeingly down at him. “Are you fucking deaf, Ryder?” Cody hissed. “I told you to get down. Fuck! Do you want your fucking head blown off?!”

Nick swallowed hard, suddenly realizing that Cody was still asleep. He slowly raised his hands and lightly gripped Cody’s forearms.

“Cody? Babe? You need to w…” The rest of the sentence was muffled as Cody slapped a palm over Nick’s mouth. 

“Shhh!” Cody hissed again. “Keep it down. The fucking VC will hear you!”

Nick double tapped Cody’s hand over his mouth and Cody slowly released him.

Cody’s eyes were flicking back and forth, tracking something only he could see and hear.

After a few minutes, Nick whispered, “Cody?”

Cody jerked his head down and glared at Nick.

“Cody?” Nick said again, this time slowly reaching up both hands to cup Cody’s face.

Cody squinted his eyes, blinking heavily. “Shh, Nick. I…” He blinked some more, shaking his head as though trying to clear what his mind saw from what was in front of him.

Nick slowly caressed Cody’s cheekbones with his thumbs. “Cody?”

Cody’s eyes continued to blink rapidly, eyebrows drawing down in confusion. Nick slid one hand around to thread his fingers through Cody’s hair at the nape of his neck while continuing to softly touch Cody’s cheek.

After several moments, Cody blinked down at Nick with disoriented but clear vision. “Nick?”

Nick let out the breath he’d been holding and pulled Cody down on top of him, cradling his partner’s head against his neck.

“Fuck, Cody,” Nick breathed in relief.

“Nick?” Cody mumbled against Nick’s throat.

Nick tipped his head to bury his face against Cody’s hair. “Fuck, you scared me.”

Cody tried to raise himself up, but Nick was having none of it. “Just gimme a minute, huh?”

Nick felt Cody relax against his chest, arms sliding in to grip Nick’s sides.

An indeterminable time later, Nick relaxed his hold on Cody, allowing the other man to sit up.

“Nick?” Cody hesitated looking around the stateroom. “Uh, what are we doing on the floor?”

Nick rested his hands on Cody’s thighs and stared up at his partner incredulously. “You don’t remember?”

Cody thought for a second before shaking his head. “No.” Though the way he said it gave Nick pause.

He narrowed his eyes and stared at Cody. “You sure?” Nick pushed at Cody’s thighs, edging him back so he could sit up. 

Once he was upright, Nick cupped Cody’s face, peering into his partner’s blue eyes. “Cody?” 

Cody blinked a couple of times before nodding his head. “Yeah, I don’t remember a thing.”

Nick considered Cody for a few more minutes. He knew it wasn’t quite the truth, but he also couldn’t pin-point what it was Cody might be lying about. Deciding to shelf it for the moment, Nick leaned forward, kissing Cody between the eyes. “You had one hell of a nightmare, man.”

Cody swallowed hard and looked away. “I-I did?”

“Yeah, man.” Nick moved to get up and Cody scrambled backwards to let his partner stand. 

Once they were settled back on the edge of the bunk, Cody gasped as he could finally see the purpling bruise starting up on Nick’s jaw. He lifted his hand to lightly touch the injury. “Nick,” he whispered guiltily. “Did I do that?”

Nick gently took Cody’s hand and brought it up to kiss the discolored knuckles. “Not before you did this.” Nick angled Cody’s hand so he could see the scraped skin.

Cody paled and turned wide, scared eyes to Nick. “Was I beating up on you?!” Hysteria was close to the surface.

Rushing to reassure Cody, Nick took the injured hand and kissed the knuckles again. “No! No, Cody, no. You were hitting the bulkhead in your sleep.”

Cody blinked rapidly and turned to look at the wall. “I was?”

Nick’s heart clenched at the raw fear he could hear in Cody’s voice. “Yeah, babe,” he replied softly, turning Cody’s head back around to look at him. “When I reached out to stop you, you clocked me one.” Nick smiled to try to alleviate some of the tension radiation from his partner.

Cody gave him a watery half-smile and gently ran a finger over the swelling flesh. “’Least I missed your nose.”

“You got that right, pal,” Nick chuckled and stood up, bringing Cody with him. He rearranged the blankets before folding them back, gesturing for Cody to get into bed.

Cody hesitated. “Um…”

With a light push, Nick got Cody back into bed. “We don’t have to sleep, babe. Just rest, huh?”

Cody slid back against the wall and waited until Nick was lying down before dropping his head tiredly on Nick’s shoulder. “Okay.”

Nick squeezed Cody’s shoulder, pulling him in as close as he could. Cody draped an arm over Nick’s stomach; and he rubbed his face against the side of Nick’s chest. “Sorry about the jaw.”

Nick lightly shrugged the shoulder Cody’s head was on. “That’s okay,” he replied. “You hit like a girl when you’re asleep.”

“Hey!” Cody exclaimed, rising his head to glare down at his partner.

Nick’s eyes gleamed in amusement at his outraged friend. He was satisfied to see an answering grin spread across Cody’s face.

“I’ll hit you harder next time,” Cody muttered as he settled back down against Nick.

“You do that, babe,” Nick replied, rubbing his face in Cody’s hair.

Within minutes, both men were fast asleep.

* * *

The next few weeks were busier than ever for the detective agency. So much so, that Nick seemed to have forgotten Cody’s nightmare. Much to Cody’s relief. Cody had been afraid that Nick would want him to talk about it; would **make** him talk about it. However, thankfully, after a few I-don’t-remember’s, Nick had let it go. Cody wasn’t quite sure if he was happy about that or offended that Nick had let it go so easily.

However, all was forgotten soon after when they were preparing for an interview with a local rag-mag: at least according to Murray. Both he and Nick were sure Murray had been over-reacting until they had met Ms. Tawny Clark and realized that Murray was probably understating things for a change. 

Not only did Ms. Clark start things off on the wrongest of notes, but things didn’t improve when their friend, Arnie, made an appearance and ended up getting them involved in a mermaid murder case. That was definitely a first for the detective agency: mermaids. And of all days for that type of case to fall into their lap, it **had** to be the day they were being interviewed by a so-called “journalist”. One who had every intention of bringing down the _Riptide Detective Agency_.

After depositing her company car in the bay (she had been the one who was adamant about tagging long, after all), the case went full throttle with it finally ending with Arnie and Murray to the rescue. (Yes, it was that weird of a case.)

Strangely enough, Tawny seemed to have had a change of heart regarding the agency and what they do. Cody was convinced it was the time alone she had had with Arnie that really did it. It really was too bad her original article couldn’t have been published, though. At least she had been nice enough to provide them with a copy of what she’d originally had written. They’d made sure Arnie had kept the article.

And through it all, Cody had been thankful to be too busy to have any nightmares. He should have known it wouldn’t’ve lasted.

 

Cody had his arms folded tightly over his chest as he, Nick, Murray, and Jessie watched the last interview of Karl Novak. As the story unfolded, Cody watched in increased horror and held himself tighter and tighter until his hands and elbows ached. To kill your entire platoon just because you wanted to come home? _What kind of person does that_?!

But, it was when the names started to scroll over the screen that Cody truly couldn’t take it anymore. While Murray asked about General Walker and wondered what he might be doing at that exact moment, Cody leaned over and quietly said to Jessie, “Excuse me.” He had to get out of there and he needed to leave NOW!

“Huh?” Jessie asked, not hearing Cody’s soft words. At Cody’s ‘move’ gesture, she exclaimed, “OH!” and slid off the bench to let Cody out. 

Cody was up and out of the room before Murray could even finish his unheard question of, “Was it something I said?”

* * *

Nick was as disturbed with the interview as the rest of them. But at the first sign of Cody’s discomfort, he kept switching his attention between the interview and his partner. He could feel Cody’s strain from across the salon; and as Karl’s story continued, Cody became more and more tense, vibrating in complete stillness where he sat.

When the names began to appear on the screen, Nick barely heard Murray’s comment on General Walker before he watched his partner vanish off the boat.

“Was it something I said?” Murray asked in concern.

Having not taken his eyes off his partner from the moment the name scrolled on the screen to the time Cody bolted from the room, Nick patted Murray’s arm in consolation.

“Naw, Murray. It was just tough to watch, ya know?” Nick looked over at Murray. “I’m gonna go check on him, okay?”

“You want me to come?” Murray asked.

“Naw, we’ll be fine. You mind walkin’ Jessie to her car?”

“Sure, Nick.”

Nick gave Jessie a small smile. “Sorry,” he waved his hand in Cody’s invisible direction. “I gotta…”

Jessie smiled back. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow.”

“Thanks,” Nick replied as he stood up and jogged up the steps.

 

Nick knew Cody normally went to the beach when he was upset, so that was the first place he decided to look. While it was dark outside, the moon hung low and bright enough to not only make walking the beach almost easy, but navigating it easy as well. With the light of the moon bouncing off the water, Nick could see that no one was on the beach on either side of him.

Huffing through his nose, he turned back to the pier to make sure the Jimmy was still in its parking spot. He hadn’t even noticed the cars when he had initially left the Riptide. He really hoped Cody hadn’t gone for a drive. He wasn’t sure Cody was fit to drive in his current state anyway. 

Sighing in relief at the sight of the red and white vehicle, Nick took a deep breath and started walking the pier, hoping his wayward partner would show up.

Almost thirty minutes later, and Nick’s worry was amping up with every step he took and every tick of the clock. He ducked into every open bar, restaurant, shop, and alley he could find and still nothing. And then he went to the one place he knew Cody **wouldn’t** be. It was the last place on earth Nick would think that Cody would run to; but when Nick rounded the corner, he was taken aback to see a shadow slumped against the gigantic wheel of the Mimi.

Heaving out a relieved sigh, Nick slowly made his way over to his partner. Cody was slumped against the hub of the wheel, legs bent, and arms hanging limply over his kneecaps. Nick quietly sat down next to his partner, pressing their shoulders together.

Nick looked sideways at Cody but couldn’t discern any emotion on his face in the dark. However, the tense muscles bunched up in his upper body suggested Cody was still feeling the effects of the interview. More so, if his blank stare was any indication.

Finally, well over an hour later, Nick was shaken from his slight doze when he heard Cody whisper, “That could have been us.” 

Cody’s voice was so soft, Nick wasn’t sure he’d heard him at first. When the words finally penetrated his chilled mind, Nick winced internally, afraid this was what had caused Cody to go down that dark hole in the first place.

But he also knew platitudes would not work right now, so Nick nodded to himself before replying, “Yeah.”

Nick heard Cody’s shuddering breath and itched to reach out and hold his partner, but knew, instinctively, Cody was barely allowing their touching shoulders.

He heard Cody audibly swallow. “I… all those men, Nick.”

“I know, buddy.” Nick clinched his fists; part in anger at Walker and Novak, but mainly because he itched to reach out to soothe his troubled best friend.

“How did Novak live with what they did all those years ago?”

Nick shrugged the shoulder against Cody’s. “Dunno, pal.”

“How could Walker?” Cody’s voice rose in indignation. “Running a corporation without a care in the world when all this time…” His voice cracked with emotion and Cody clamped his mouth shut and dropped his head down to his knees.

Nick couldn’t take the distress bleeding from his friend and he reached out to put an arm around Cody. Before he could complete the move, however, Cody jumped up and took a few steps back, glaring down at Nick with anger burning in his eyes.

“Walker sat there in his big, corporate chair, behind his big corporate desk and told us, to **our faces** , this heroic story of how Novak saved their lives under enemy fire. When all that time they had actually ambushed their own men! **Murdered** all those men! For what?! Because they wanted to go home? Are you fucking kidding me?!” Nick stood up, so he could face Cody, and stood silently, letting Cody continue pouring out his rage and grief. “I wanted to go home, too, Nick,” Cody slapped his chest. “You wanted to go home,” Cody flung an arm out in Nick’s direction. “But did we go off and kill our friends?!” 

Nick started to reach out and his arm froze in mid-air as Cody took a few more steps backward. “Can you imagine Pitbull doing that to us?! Oh my god, Nick! Who does that?! It was hell enough over there, but to resort to that…!”

Enough was enough. Nick couldn’t watch a broken Cody any further. 

He took a few steps in Cody’s direction even though he knew that Cody would move away from him. 

He did. 

Nick kept moving cautiously forward and Cody kept moving back until his back hit the side of Mimi. Cody froze; wide, frightened eyes gleaming in the moonlight.

Nick kept right on moving until he was chest-to-chest with Cody and he quickly wrapped his arms around Cody’s waist, pinning his arms to his side. The second that occurred, as he knew would happen, Cody started to struggle. Cody hated being coddled; and that, on top of being restrained, made everything worse. 

Nick ducked his head to the side, keeping it low and down of Cody’s own bucking head. He knew from past experience that Cody was not above headbutting him to get loose. So, the more Cody struggled, the more Nick tightened his hold.

“Nick! Damn it! Let me go!” Cody hissed with angry tears in his voice, twisting his body in Nick’s embrace.

“No,” Nick muttered against Cody’s shoulder, pushing him harder and harder against the cold metal.

“God damn it, Nick, let me the fuck go!”

Nick shook his head and tightened his hold. “No.”

“NICK!” Cody shouted.

“CODY!” Nick shouted back, pulling back his head so he could glare at Cody face-to-face.

Cody blinked at Nick, stunned at being yelled at. He half-heartedly struggled some more before sighing in defeat and dropping his chin to his chest.

Nick wasn’t fooled for a second and refused to release his hold.

After a few minutes, Cody sighed in defeat and raised his head, looking Nick in the eye. “I’m okay, Nick.”

Nick narrowed his eyes. “Liar,” he responded even as he started to relax his grip.

Cody sighed and looked away in shame.

Nick shook him. “Hey. You want to tell me what’s really going on?”

If it hadn’t been for the brief flash of panic in Cody’s eyes, Nick might have believed Cody’s sudden, “Nothing.”

“Pull the other one, big guy.” Nick shook Cody again. “Now, what’s goin’ on in that blond head a yours? ‘Cause it ain’t just that interview. You’ve been squirrelly ever since Pitbull’s visit.”

Cody’s head snapped up and he stared incredulously at his partner. “W-what?”

“You heard me, pal. Late night walks on the beach; bags under your eyes like you’re plannin’ a big trip somewhere; nightmares. Ya want me to go on?”

Cody swallowed hard. “Didntthinkyounoticed.”

Nick’s eyebrow went up in shock. “Excuse me? What was that? You didn’t think I’d noticed? Are you kidding me? I notice everything about you, man. Have since ‘Nam. Now spill.” He shook Cody again.

Cody sighed heavily through his nose. But instead of answering, he deflected, just as Nick knew he would. “There’s nothing to ‘spill’, Nick. That interview just hit me hard, that’s all.”

Nick rolled his eyes and adjusted his hold on Cody, pushing him up against the side of Mimi, chests pressing against each other so tight air couldn’t come between them.

“Is that right?” Nick asked skeptically.

“That right,” Cody confirmed, though his voice lacked the conviction he normally had.

“Mmm-hmm.”

“What? You calling me a liar, Nick?”

Nick nodded his head. “Yeah, I am.”

“Fuck you, Nick!”

“Later, man. First I wanna know what’s going on.”

Cody shot Nick an unamused glare. “Ha, ha. Let me go.”

Nick sighed at his partner’s stubborn bullheadedness. It was rare, but when it happened, it was like asking the Mimi to fly to the moon. Thankfully, Nick was just as bullheaded, so it was just waiting game until Cody broke.

“No.”

Cody started to struggle again. “Damn it, Nick. Let me the fuck go!”

“Nope.”

“God damn it!” Cody whipped himself from side to side and even caught Nick off guard enough that he almost got away with a great headbutt to the nose had Nick not moved at the last second. But, just as fiercely as the anger started, it petered out in a flash and Cody sagged against Nick, dropping his forehead against Nick’s shoulder in defeat.

“Nick,” Cody sobbed, pushing his face against the side of Nick’s neck. “Let me go.”

“Not gonna happen, pal.”

“I hate you.”

Nick smiled to himself. “I know you do.”

They stood like that for a few more minutes until Nick was sure Cody had finally given up. At Cody’s hitched sob, Nick immediately released his constricting embrace, slipping one hand into the hair at the back of Cody’s skull and wrapping the other around Cody’s waist, releasing Cody’s trapped arms.

“Shh, babe. Shh,” Nick soothed.

“Nick…” Cody’s arms slowly came up and around Nick, fingers clutching the sides of Nick’s shirt.

“I know, babe.”

 

When they got back to the _Riptide_ , Nick was a bit taken aback when he saw Murray on the bench in the salon. It was late enough that he thought Murray would have been in bed by now. However, also knowing Murray, he was probably just as concerned about Cody as he was, so it didn’t come as a complete shock.

Unfortunately, Nick knew that Cody was not in the mood for Murray’s version of worry and was able to cut off Murray’s, “Guys!” with a quick shake of his head. 

Murray usually wasn’t one for picking up on subtle clues, but, Nick thanked god, that this time, Murray somehow understood and snapped his mouth shut immediately.

Nick quickly ushered Cody down the steps to their stateroom and deposited him on their bunk. It was clear with everything that had happened that evening, Cody was practically out on his feet.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” Nick said from the foot of the stairs. When he didn’t get a response, he sighed and rushed up the steps. He wanted to reassure Murray what was going on with Cody or their partner would probably spend the rest of the night worrying.

“Murray…” Nick began before being rushed by said worried friend.

“Nick! Nick! Is Cody okay? He didn’t seem okay when you guys came back. He…”

“Murray. Murray!” Nick lightly grasped Murray’s arms in an attempt to still his frantic friend. “Slow down!”

Nick watched Murray gulp a few deep breaths before nodding he was calm (or as calm as Murray ever was). “Is Cody okay, Nick? He didn’t seem okay when he left. He seemed pretty upset. He…”

“Murray. Cody’s fine. Or as fine as he will be for the night.” Nick maneuvered Murray to the bench and sat him down, pulling the chair up next to the table before sitting down.

“He didn’t seem fine, Nick. He was pretty upset.”

Nick scrubbed a hand over his face. “Yeah. That interview really got to him, ya know?”

Murray looked down and nodded to himself. “Yeah, I can understand why.”

Nick gave him a half-smile. “Just give him some time, okay?” He stood up.

“Sure, Nick.”

“And Murray,” Nick continued as he stood on the second step to the stateroom.

“Yeah?” Murray peered at him with wide eyes.

“Try to tone down your Murray-ness, just for tomorrow, huh?”

Murray grinned. “Sure, Nick.” He stood and made his way to his own stateroom. “’Murray-ness.’ That’s a good one, Nick.” Murray’s chuckles floated down the steps with their owner.

Nick watched in fondness as his friend disappeared and took at steeling breath. Time to deal with his other partner.

 

Nick entered their room and his heart felt like breaking. Cody was still sitting on the edge of his bed, staring out at nothing. 

Nick moved towards his partner and knelt to help Cody out of his shoes. Cody immediately snapped his head up and glared down at Nick. “I can do it!”

“Fine!” Nick snapped back and moved to the other side of the room to remove his clothes. He thought for all of two seconds as to whether he should sleep in his own bed before turning back to Cody and seeing him struggle to get out of his sweater.

Throwing his own clothes on his bunk, Nick moved over to Cody and started helping him untangle himself from the sweater. “I can do it!” Cody muttered angrily from the folds of the material.

“Tough shit,” Nick replied unmoved as he batted Cody’s hands away and pulled the garment roughly over Cody’s head.

Cody’s glare was completely lost on Nick as he attempted to reign in his amusement at Cody’s hair poking in all different directions. He reached up to pat the golden strands down, lips twitching the entire time. When he looked back at Cody, convinced he’d see Cody’s glare in full bloom directed at him, Nick was shocked to find that soft look Cody got whenever Nick took care of him. It was kind of a cross between disbelief, bewilderment, and panic all of which usually overshadowed Cody’s love for him.

Don’t get Nick wrong. He knew Cody loved him; with all of his heart and soul. But there was always something there that held Cody back; even if a little bit. Nick knew why, or rather ‘who’, put that fear there. It always came back to Janet. Nick would forever hate her for what she’d done to his partner: made Cody think that no one could really love him, made him think that he wasn’t worthy of anyone’s love, made him not trust in that love. 

But if there was one thing that Nick was, was stubborn. He could and would always out-stubborn this stupid man in front of him. And if it took him the rest of his time on this planet to teach Cody he wasn’t going anywhere, then so be it.

He came back to himself when he felt a tapping on his forehead. Nick blinked several times and gazed at his partner, who was now standing in front of him, in silent question.

“Welcome back, dummy.”

Nick snatched Cody’s tapping finger and brought the tip of his index finger to his lips for a gentle kiss. “Who you calling ‘dummy’, pal?”

“You,” Cody replied, tapping his captured finger against Nick’s nose.

“Is that right?”

“Yep,” Cody answered, crooked smile on his face. “I can read you like a book, ya know.”

“Oh, really?” Nick replied with skepticism.

“It’s not her fault, you know.”

Nick glared at Cody, partly pissed off that Cody had been right and knew what Nick had been brooding about and partly just the mention at her name made him want to fly to wherever she was and punch her in the mouth.

“You’re doing it again,” Cody said, curling his finger around Nick’s, who was still holding Cody’s finger between his own.

“Doing what?” Nick asked innocently.

“It’s not her fault,” Cody repeated.

“Bullshit,” Nick responded, eyes narrowing as he bit at Cody’s finger.

“Hey!” Cody yelped before Nick soothed the digit with his tongue. Once the sting was gone, Cody continued. “Okay, look.” He sighed as he looked down at their joined hands. “Okay, yeah, maybe it is a little bit her fault.” Nick lightly dug his teeth into Cody’s index finger, eyes glowering at his partner. “Okay! Okay! Fine.” Nick eased up at Cody’s acquiescence. “There’s no need to hate her, Nick.”

Nick dropped Cody’s finger from his mouth and stared at his partner in astonishment. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“Nick…”

“No. Don’t you ‘Nick’ me. That **_woman_** put you through hell and I’m the one paying the fucking price!” As Cody’s eyes widened in shock, Nick realized what his said. “Shit!” Nick snapped his mouth shut because he had had no intention of ever telling Cody how Cody’s insecurities made him feel.

“Nick?”

Nick dropped Cody’s hand and moved around him to their bunk. He ripped back the covers angrily as a gentle hand reached out to stop him.

“Nick?”

“Shit.” Nick collapse on the edge of the bunk in defeat. Looks like he had no choice now.

“Look,” Nick began, rubbing his palms over his face. He pulled Cody down beside him, holding Cody’s left hand with his right. He sighed heavily through his nose and turned to his partner. “Look, Cody. Janet. She…” Nick sighed again. “…she fucked you up, okay?” Cody turned away, but didn’t otherwise move. Nick continued, “There are times when I look at you, like tonight, and I see you look at me like you can’t believe I love you. And I just don’t get that. Who the fuck **wouldn’t** love you, man? I mean, shit, pal, aside from being a fucking Greek god,” Cody turned to him with a small smile and Nick wagged a disapproving finger at him. “Don’t let that go to your head, pal.”

Nick continued, “I think what gets me the most is the panic I see.”

Cody’s eyebrows drew together in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, sometimes you look at me like you’re ready to bolt. Like you’re afraid of what we have or something and you just want to run.”

Cody dropped his head and gripped Nick’s hand tighter. “I’m sorry, Nick. I don’t mean to.”

Nick sighed and rubbed his thumb over Cody’s knuckle. “I know, man. I do. But seeing that look scares me sometimes, ya know? I don’t want you to leave.”

Cody turned to Nick and waited until Nick turned to face him. “Nick, look, I will never leave you. I promise. Not of my own free will, at least. I just…” Cody sighed as well and pulled Nick’s hand into his lap. “Just be patient with me, okay?”

“I’m always patient with you, dummy.”

Cody gave Nick a soft look and brought up Nick’s knuckles for a kiss.

“Yeah, you are.”

“Like tonight, for instance.”

Cody snorted. “Like tonight,” he agreed.

Nick released Cody’s hand and stood up. “But, being the patient sort that I am, I will be letting it go for tonight.”

Cody stood at well. As he started to crawl into their bunk, Nick’s statement caused him to choke on a laugh and hang his head for a moment. “Thanks, pal.”

Nick pushed at Cody’s ass to hurry him along. “No problem, big guy. I’m magnanimous like that.”

Cody dropped to the bunk and scooted towards the bulkhead, rolling his eyes as he settled in. “Of course you are.”

Once Nick was settled under the covers, Cody crowded close and pressed his nose against Nick’s arm, snaking his own arm over Nick’s lower stomach.

“I will tell you, Nick. Just give me some time.”

“I know,” Nick replied. “I love you.” He kissed the top of Cody’s head.

“I love you, too, Nick. Always.” Cody squeezed Nick’s middle and kissed his bicep; and they both drifted to sleep.

* * *

Cody had been convinced that since they hadn’t gone to bed until three in the morning, he would have been safe from any nightmares.

He was wrong.

_The sun was barely cresting the horizon when the jungle came for him. Only this time his squad had been sent out to clear a section not far from camp when Nick’s squad came up behind them and started shooting. He should have known it was just a dream. He and Nick had been in the same squad since Nick’s arrival, but Cody’s dream-self didn’t see the distinction and started screaming at Nick, begging him to stop. It was only when Cody lay bleeding in the damp mud that Nick came up to him and aimed his rifle at his head._

_Nick gazed at Cody without emotion, nothing behind the dead, blue eyes. “Nick, please,” Cody pleaded. “Why…?”_

_Cody swallowed painfully as he watched Nick pull the trigger._

_“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”_

“Cody!”

Cody’s eyes blinked open and he stared in horror at Nick who was kneeling over him, hands gripping Cody’s shoulders, shaking him awake.

“N-nick?”

“Fuck,” Nick whispered softly before dropping his head down to Cody’s chest, warm breath puffing harshly over Cody’s skin.

Cody swallowed and slowly raised his hands to grip Nick’s forearms. “Nick?”

Nick blew out an exhausted breath before sitting back on his heels, dislodging his hands from Cody’s shoulders to run his fingers through his tangled hair. “You okay?”

Cody dropped his hands from Nick’s arms and blinked several times before nodding. “Y-yeah, I think so.”

Nick bit his lip hard to keep from asking Cody the inevitable question. Instead, he just looked down at his partner and rubbed a palm over Cody’s knee. With the silence stretching for longer than Nick could take, he started, “You w…”

Cody snorted loudly through his nose and closed his eyes, scrubbing his palms against his face.

“No. Yes. I…” He pressed his palms into his eye sockets. “No. Fuck!” Cody slammed his fists into the mattress and sat up, scooting back against the bulkhead. He eyed Nick before looking away, unable to handle the concern he saw in Nick’s dark blue eyes.

“Can we…” He sighed again. “Can we not do this here?”

Nick arched an eyebrow. “Here as in the-bedroom-here? Or…”

“Here as in King-Harbor-here.”

Nick frowned, not wanting to let too much time pass before he made Cody spill his guts.

“You want to take the Riptide out for the day?” Nick asked.

Cody shook his head. “The Mimi.”

“The Mimi?!” Nick asked in disbelief. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Cody answered. “It wouldn’t be fair to strand Murray without his home.”

Nick nodded. “I guess you’re right, but… The Mimi? Are you sure you’re okay? You’re not dying or anything, are you?”

Cody rolled his eyes. “No, Nick, I’m not dying. Though I might if Mimi decides to go down halfway there.”

“The Mimi,” Nick sniffed, “will take you SAFELY anywhere you want to go, man. She’s just got a delicate constitution, is all.”

Cody tried not to roll his eyes again, but it was a lost cause. “’Delicate’, huh? Mmm-hmm. Is that what you call that smoke that bellows out of her when she flies?”

Nick stood in a huff. “She’ll get you where you want to go, big guy, don’t you worry about that!” Nick jerked on his sweats and yanked a tank over his head. He was all set to stomp out of the room when he felt arms wrap around his waist.

“Thank you, Nick,” Cody whispered against the back of Nick’s neck.

Nick covered Cody’s arms with his own. “You sure you want to do this today. I don’t need to know this second.”

“I know,” Cody replied. “I just… I need to, ya know?”

Nick turned in Cody’s arms and framed his face with his hands. “Okay,” Nick said before leaning in to kiss Cody softly. Cody moaned and opened his mouth for Nick’s tongue; both needing the reassurance of the other.

The kiss ended, but they did not move away from each other; leaning their foreheads together.

“When do you want to leave?” Nick breathed against Cody’s wet lips.

“The sooner, the better,” Cody answered quietly.

“What do you want to tell Murray?”

Cody sighed heavily and closed his eyes. He didn’t want to deal with Murray right now; and, knowing Murray, he’d want to know where they were going and why they were leaving without him. He was just not in the mood to deal with an overly solicitous Murray at the moment. He had psyched himself up into telling Nick everything and if he couldn’t… he didn’t know what he was going to do. “Shit.”

Nick kissed Cody’s nose. “Let me take care of it.”

Cody leaned back and hopeful blue eyes glance up at Nick. “You sure?”

“Yep,” Nick answered as he stepped away from Cody. “Why don’t you grab a shower and come up when you’re ready.”

“Okay,” Cody replied in relief. He grabbed a pair of short and one of his button-up shirts and made his way to the head.

It was going to be long day.

* * *

If Nick thought that Cody would spill his guts once they got into the air, he was sadly mistaken. If anything, once they took off, Cody retreated into himself barely saying a word, let alone looking at Nick as they flew. And Cody was never silent when they flew. Especially if they were in the Mimi. Nick knew that Cody didn’t mean anything by what he said, but sometimes the ribbing got to be too much and it bothered him.

But no cracks about the Mimi seemed worse this time and it worried Nick.

They had decided to go out to the Channel Islands for their heart-to-heart. At just under eighty miles, it was far enough away from King Harbor to appease Cody, but close enough that it wasn’t a long flight home, which appeased Nick. Normally private flights to the islands were not allowed; but it helped to have friends with the park’s aviation operator, Channel Islands Aviation. Nick had done enough work with them over the years that he usually just needed to let them know when he was coming and they let him land on any of the islands. 

Today, they had decided on San Miguel Island. While it had the potential to be one of the more tourist-y islands because of the wildlife, it was also currently the off-season, so it shouldn’t be too crowded. Another plus was that it was one of the few that has a dirt airstrip. So, that was where they were headed. Thankfully there were plenty of places they could go to be alone.

The hour and half flight was one of the longest in Nick’s recent memories. Between Cody’s silence and the anticipation of what would occur once they got there, Nick was surprised the tension in the cockpit didn’t break the Mimi apart. That would have given Cody a lot to bitch about.

Once they landed, they grabbed their jackets and their backpacks loaded down with essentials like emergency blankets, snacks, first aid kits, etc. and made their way to the aviation office. Nick was able to borrow an ATV from one of the guys at the airstrip before he and Cody headed out to parts unknown.

One of the trails took them to a peak that overlooked Crook Point. It was the opposite side of where the tourists usually were, so they didn’t think they would be interrupted.

“This okay?” Nick asked as he stopped and turned around to look at his best friend. The emptiness of Cody’s face caused his heart to stutter and he swallowed hard. “Cody?”

Cody blinked away the blankness and looked up at Nick. “Huh?”

“This okay?” Nick repeated.

Cody slid off the ATV from behind Nick and looked around. “Uh, yeah, this is fine.”

Instead of getting off the vehicle himself, Nick turned so he was no longer straddling the seat. He reached out and tugged on Cody’s hand closest to him. “We don’t have to do this today, ya know,” Nick reiterated for the hundredth time that day.

They had woken up to Nick saying they didn’t have to talk about this today and he continued reassuring Cody throughout the morning. This was clearly something that was bothering his friend; and he didn’t want Cody to feel pressured into revealing what was troubling him if it put him in this kind of mood. It was clear Cody didn’t want to tell Nick what was upsetting him, but equally clear that Cody needed to.

Cody turned and gave Nick a tentative smile before squeezing his hand and turning to look out over the Point. After several minutes, Cody sighed before turning back to Nick, one side of his mouth turned up in a half smile. “I know. I… thank you.”

Nick stood and pulled himself flush with Cody’s arm. “For what?”

Cody sighed again. “For being patient.”

“I’d be as patient as long as you need me to be,” Nick said solemnly.

That brought out an inelegant snort from Cody.

“I would!” Nick defended.

“I know you would try.”

Nick shrugged a shoulder in agreement. “Yeah, okay. You got me there.”

“It’s beautiful up here,” Cody said after a few more minutes of silence.

“Yeah,” Nick breathed, looking directly at Cody. Not even paying attention to the view.

Cody turned to Nick and laughed. “You’re not even looking.”

“I’m looking at what’s important,” Nick replied without being flippant in the least.

“Jeezus, Nick,” Cody exclaimed in quiet awe. “How do you even…”

“What?”

“How do you do that?” Cody said with wonder.

“Do what?” Nick asked, confused.

“You act like I’m your whole world.”

“You are,” Nick said matter-of-factly.

Cody’s eyes widened and he blinked several times in shock. “I…” Cody turned abruptly away, unable to handle the sincerity in Nick’s eyes.

“Cody?” Nick asked, walking about to stand face-to-face with his friend. He gasped at the tears sliding down Cody’s cheeks.

“I don’t deserve you,” Cody announced with shame.

“You deserve way more than me,” Nick answered self-deprecatingly.

Cody shook his head in denial, clearly unable to articulate how he felt. “No…”

Nick reached up and gently swiped a tear from under Cody’s eye. “Yes.”

Cody looked away in humiliation. “You won’t be saying that when I tell you how fucking broken I am.”

Nick tipped Cody’s head up by his chin. “Bet you ten bucks I will.”

Cody gave Nick a watery smile. “You’re on.”

Nick watched as Cody turned around and moved to the cliff edge, looking out over the sea. He knew that’s where Cody got his strength. Always had. It was the main reason they lived on the _Riptide_. It really was no different than Nick getting his strength in the air. Just as air and water needed each other, so too did Nick and Cody. It was just how it was.

He watched as Cody sat down not far from the edge and got lost gazing at the ocean. After a few moments, Nick grabbed their packs and joined him.

After settling down, Nick opened their packs, pulling out their heavier jackets. It may have been Southern California, but it was always chilly on the islands; and today was no different. Without saying anything, Nick put Cody’s jacket over his shoulders before threading his arms through his own.

Cody glanced at Nick with a warm smile before donning his own. “Thanks.”

They continued to stare out to sea before Cody’s quiet words filtered in to Nick’s ears.

“I’m pretty fucked up, Nick.”

“Aren’t we all?”

Cody bumped his shoulder against Nick’s. “Yeah, I guess, but… Me more so, I think.”

“Why do you say that?”

Cody turned to Nick, folding his legs cross-legged, and looking more serious than Nick had ever seen. “I’m gonna tell you what you want to know, Nick, and I don’t want you to interrupt, okay?”

“Okay,” Nick replied dubiously.

“Please, Nick, just try, okay?”

Nick reached out and took Cody’s hands. “Whatever you need, big guy. I got you.”

Cody squeezed Nick’s hands and gave him a small smile.

Taking a deep breath, Cody began:

“You know I lived with Byron when I first got out, right?”

Nick nodded, but remained silent.

“Well, what neither one of us told you, what I didn’t tell you was that…” Cody swallowed hard. “I spent that first year out in and out of the VA hospital.”

Nick gasped and opened his mouth before snapping it shut again, remembering his vow to let Cody tell his story without interruption. Instead, he squeezed Cody’s hand in support and silently urged him to continue.

Cody took a deep breath through his nose and continued. “It was nightmares, of course. So bad that I kept Byron up most nights. At least, that’s what he told me. Told me I was scaring away the ladies and to shape up or ship out, ya know?”

“Fucker,” Nick muttered under his breath.

Cody jerked on Nick’s hands in rebuke but went on. “So, I shipped out to the VA hospital for a few months while trying to deal with PTSD.” Nick’s eyes widened, clearly remembering their “fake” story they gave Pitbull those few months ago. And Cody, so in tuned with Nick’s expressions, nodded his head in confirmation. “Yeah, what I told Pitbull wasn’t all together false.”

Unable to keep silent, Nick blurted, “Cody…” But Cody silence him with a look. “Sorry,” Nick mumbled, nodding his head for Cody to continue.

“Anyway, after the VA, I went back living with Byron before he kicked me out for good a few months after I got back when the nightmares started up again.”

Nick bit his lips to keep from making any further remarks about Cody’s deceased “friend”.

“Thankfully, you had gotten out and was running cargo for Starky by that time, remember?” Nick nodded. “Not too long after that, we joined the MPs and that was that.”

Nick waited for Cody to continue, but it seemed he was finished for the time being. By this time, Cody was not even looking at Nick, but seemed to be staring at a fixed point on the ground between their knees.

“And…?” Nick ventured, making sure that this was all Cody wanted to tell him.

“’And’ what?”

“That’s it?” Nick asked.

That got Cody snapping his head up to glare at Nick with betrayal. “’That’s it’? What the fuck to you mean, ‘that’s it’?” Cody scramble to stand and scowled down at Nick with barely controlled anger. “Isn’t that enough?”

Nick slowly stood as well but did not move closer to Cody. His best friend was volatile at best; and Nick knew better than to engage him right now. He’d had past two broken noses to prove it.

“I just meant that…” he sighed. “I get nightmares, too, ya know.”

Cody pinched his nose between his finger and thumb. “I know, Nick. That’s not the point.”

“Then what is?”

Cody’s head snapped up again and he looked at Nick like he was crazy. “Are you kidding me?”

“What?” Nick asked exasperatedly, and clearly confused as to what Cody was talking about.

Cody sighed in frustration. “This person,” he indicated himself, “spent months in the VA hospital getting his head examined because of PTSD!”

“So?”

“SO?! SO! I’m a fucking mental patient, Nick! Jeezus!”

Nick didn’t even realize he did what he did until he did it. He stalked up to Cody and punched him in the mouth. It wasn’t hard enough to cause Cody to fall, but it was enough to snap him out of whatever he was mad at. But now it was Nick’s turn to be mad. And, boy, was he ever livid.

“You,” Nick threatened, waving his finger in Cody’s face, “are not a ‘mental patient’, damn it.”

“But…”

“NO! Plenty of vets have gotten help from the VA for PTSD, you asshole!”

“But..”

“Shut the fuck up!” Nick shouted. “I’m talking now!” Cody blinked at him before nodding slowly; cheeks turning pink, whether in shame or something else, Nick didn’t know. However, it was this demure Cody that removed the red from Nick’s vision and he took a deep breath before continuing.

“Look, Cody,” Nick began. He took a step forward and reached out, taking Cody’s hands in his. “You think you’re the only guy who spent time at the VA?” When Cody didn’t answer, Nick went on. “There’s no shame in admitting that, ya know? Hell! I spent time when I first got out.”

Cody looked at Nick in shock. “You did?”

“Sure. You don’t think I just got out and went to work for Starky, did you?”

Cody shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know. Yeah, I guess.”

“Well, you’re wrong. It’s practically the first thing I did. Reynolds actually recommended it to me the day before I came home.”

“Reynolds?”

“Yeah, a lieutenant that was assigned to us a few months after you left. He was a shrink or something and suggested it to everyone before they shipped out.”

“Oh.”

“My point is, there’s no shame in that, Cody. Do you hear me?”

Cody was looking down in embarrassment as Nick talked. He clearly thought it was the worst thing in the world, if this whole thing was any indication.

“Do you hear me?” Nick reiterated, shaking Cody’s hands in his.

“I guess,” Cody murmured.

“Cody, look at me.” Nick waited until Cody complied. He then slid his palms up to cradle Cody’s cheeks. “I know you think this is something horrible to admit, but you know what? You know what would have been worse than this?” Cody swallowed hard and shook his head. “You telling me we were through, ya know?” Cody opened his mouth in protest, but Nick merely shook his head and Cody closed his mouth. “That would have been the worst thing ever. 

“I know you think having been in the VA makes you broken or crazy or not worth it or whatever, but the fact is, to me, that just makes you stronger in my eyes. You could have just tried to deal with that on your own, but you didn’t. You and I have both seen what trying to go it alone does and it’s not a pretty picture. You got help. That’s not broken; that takes a strength not many vets have, ya know?

“And just because you got help doesn’t mean that the nightmare will miraculous go away. You and I both know they won’t… ever. There will always be something that triggers us. Not every day, but sometimes, ya know? ‘S just a part of war. It sucks, but there you go.”

Nick leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against Cody’s. It was brief, but probably the most powerful kiss they’ve shared in a long, long time.

When they leaned back, a rueful smile spread across Cody’s face.

“What?” Nick asked with only a trace of concern.

“Guess I owe you ten bucks.”

Nick grinned and pressed closer to Cody, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. “I’ll take it out in trade, if it’s all the same with you,” he breathed.

Nick felt Cody’s Adam’s apple bob as Cody swallowed hard. “Um…” Nick lightly bit Cody’s Adam’s apple, flicking his tongue over the abused skin. “Could… uh, could we go home first?” Cody stammered.

Nick grinned against Cody’s throat before pulling back in satisfaction. “We could.”

Cody grabbed Nick as he started to pull away. “Nick.”

“Yeah, babe.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

Nick cocked his head and regarded Cody for a moment. “You’re right. You deserve better. But I’m what you get, so suck it up.”

Cody laughed out loud for the first time in what felt like forever. He reached down and grabbed their packs, throwing one to Nick before grabbing Nick’s hand and dragging him towards the ATV. “And what exactly are you wanting me to suck up?”

Nick burst out into laughter as well. “You’ll see.”

They raced to the ATV and headed back to the Mimi.

Finis  
April 24, 2018


End file.
